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Dear Dan,

My partner and I will soon be married, and in honor of the event, his parents have promised us some money. Now my parents have offered us double that amount. How can I tell my partner without making him feel uncomfortable?

—Nikki

Congratulations—I hope you'll have a lovely wedding and a good life together.

As for your question, the problem is not just that your future husband and his parents will feel uncomfortable (không thoải mái); it is also that your dynamics as a newlywed couple will proceed from an uneven starting point (điểm khởi đầu không êm ả). I am not suggesting that every time that the two of you fight (cãi vã), you will remind your husband that (nhắc chồng rằng) it was your family's money that let you buy a new house (nhờ tiền bố mẹ vợ mà hai vợ chồng mua được nhà mới). But even small inequalities at the start of a marriage can have long-term effects.

If I were in your shoes, I would ask your parents to give you the same amount now that your fiancé's parents are giving—then give you the second amount in a year, once the marriage is more established. (If you're not sure you will stay together, maybe ask them to wait five years.)

Incidentally, since weddings are irrational in so many ways, I recently obtained a license to perform weddings through some online site—and now I'm waiting for the first couple to ask me to conduct their nuptials (hint hint).

Bài trước: Vì sao đại dịch Covid-19 khiến nhiều cặp vợ chồng đổ vỡ?