Journey in Life: funny
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Saturday, July 4, 2020

Để các cháu nhà tôi chịu khổ giúp cho

một người đàn ông bỉ đau khổ vì ko hiểu sao liên tục nhận pizza miễn phí trong gần 10 năm...

It turns out, there is such a thing as too much pizza.

A Belgian man says he has been receiving mysterious (bí ẩn) pizzas that he never ordered (chưa bao giờ đặt) for over a decade. While it may initially seem like an annoying prank (trò chơi khăm), the victim (nạn nhân) says he’s received so many pizzas over the years that he shakes every time he hears a scooter (xe máy giao hàng) coming down the street.

Friday, July 3, 2020

Cử anh này tới Tam Thôn thôi

Thủ tướng Úc bị người dân "quát" trên sóng truyền hình trực tiếp vì dẫm lên bãi cỏ mới trồng trước nhà anh ta...
Never mess with a man’s lawn :) – it’s a valuable lesson (bài học giá trị) that Scott Morrison and a pack of reporters were hilariously (đáng buồn cười) reminded of this morning.

Hell hath no fury like a man whose freshly seeded lawn is being trampled  (giẫm nát, chà đạp, giày xéo) on by a pack of people.

...Prime Minister Scott Morrison was addressing journalists to outline the government’s new HomeBuilder grant when a frustrated (bực bội) resident (cư dân) ventured (liều, đánh bạo) out from his house.

“Can you guys get off the lawn please?” the man yelled, interrupting Mr Morrison mid-sentence.

“Hey guys, I’ve just reseeded that,” he added, pointing to the grass that reporters, cameramen and photographers were crowded on.

Bài trước: Hà Nội biết thừa

Wednesday, July 1, 2020

Hà Nội biết thừa

từ mấy năm nay rồi, là quá nóng ảnh hưởng đến suy nghĩ/tư duy (mạch lạc) :D

Yes, claims a new, small study that found too much heat on the head hampered (làm vướng, cản trở, ngăn trở) thinking in volunteers.

Most people know that high temperatures can cause heat exhaustion or heat stroke as the body's core temperature becomes dangerously high, but the beating sun can affect your brain even if your body temperature stays normal, researchers report.

"Solar radiation has a separate, direct effect on people's capacity to perform functions that require thinking and coordination, even if the person is not overly hyperthermic, simply because their head is exposed to high solar radiation,"

Bài trước: Hơi dị nhỉ

Tuesday, June 23, 2020

Hơi dị nhỉ

toilet của SpaceX's Crew Dragon ở trên đầu, và ko ai muốn nhắc tới nó...

Ever since the first US astronaut visited space, 59 years ago, NASA has struggled to find clean, comfortable ways to get people restroom facilities in space.

The first options were rather crude, makeshift solutions (giải pháp tạm thời) that resulted in some big messes (hỗn độn).

Alan Shepherd, the first person to go, peed in his pants on the launchpad in 1961, but luckily was "totally dry by the time we launched," he later said. The Apollo astronauts had to use roll-on cuffs to pee, and plastic bags for everything else. Sometimes waste escaped, and floated around.

After the Apollo missions ended in 1975, engineers described defecation (ỉa) and urination (đái) as the "bothersome aspects of space travel."

Saturday, June 13, 2020

Vậy là có thể đi họp ở Tam Thôn?

các nhà khoa học đã tạo được chuột có 4% gien người...
Scientists at the University at Buffalo and the Roswell Park Cancer Institute have bred a new form of human-mouse chimera (quái vật đuôi rắn mình dê đầu sư tử; ngáo ộp; điều hão huyền, điều ảo tưởng) with the highest incidence of human cells ever recorded. Chimeras are organisms made up of a mixture of genetically different tissues—in this case, mouse cells and human stem cells. The team published its work in the journal Science Advances.

Two weeks after the researchers injected human stem cells into the developing mouse embryos, one of the newborn mice exhibited 4 percent human cells—a major advance, considering human and animal cells don't typically jive well. While they're still mostly just mice—and only a tad bit human—the breakthrough marks a step toward more advanced genetically modified embryos (bào thai biến đổi gien) in the future.

Tuesday, June 9, 2020

Như hành động khủng bố

bò gãi đít làm 800 nhà mất điện... :D

Four-year-old Ron managed to avoid the box as it landed in his field, and escaped (thoát) an 11,000 volt shock from the tumbling cables.

But it left homes in three nearby villages in South Lanarkshire without electricity (không có điện).

Owner Hazel Laughton told BBC Scotland she was amazed (ngạc nhiên) that Ron had survived (còn sống sót).

Bài trước: Bao giờ thì IPO?

Bao giờ thì IPO?

tội phạm ma túy bán dữ liệu khách hàng với giá 183.000 usd
Drug dealers have turned corporate, selling their customer databases for as much as £150,000 ($183,000) as they adopt business strategies (áp dụng chiến thuật kinh doanh) to maximize profits (tối đa hóa lợi nhuận).

The savvy (hiểu biết, lương tri) criminals have established a valuable market in client lists (danh sách khách hàng), and are also using product placement and branding, mimicking (bắt chước) tactics used by legitimate firms (công ty hợp pháp).

The details contained in a new book highlight the intense competition (cạnh tranh khốc liệt) between different groups who have turned to the business world tactics to give themselves a competitive advantage (lợi thế cạnh tranh).

...The phrase “county lines” is used where drugs are carried from one area to another, usually by children, over a boundary. The county line is the mobile phone line used to take the orders of drugs.

Ai đứng sau chỉ đạo?

khỉ tấn công và cướp mẫu máu xét nghiệm dương tính coronavirus...

The attack occurred this week when a laboratory technician (nhân viên phòng thí nghiệm) was walking in the campus of a state-run medical college in Meerut, 460 km (285 miles) north of Lucknow, capital of Uttar Pradesh state.

“Monkeys grabbed and fled with (bỏ chạy) the blood samples (mẫu máu) of four COVID-19 patients who are undergoing treatment (đang được điều trị) ... we had to take their blood samples again,” said Dr S. K. Garg, a top official at the college.

Authorities said they were not clear if the monkeys had spilled (làm đổ, làm tràn) the blood samples, but people living near the leafy campus feared further spread of the virus if the monkeys carried the samples into residential areas (khu dân cư).

Bài trước: Có lẽ hơi sớm

Monday, June 8, 2020

Có lẽ hơi sớm

bạn chính thức bị coi là già khi... 57 tuổi (theo điều tra mới đây)
Age is just a number, right? Well, according to a new survey of 2,000 Americans, once you reach a certain age it doesn’t matter how you feel on the inside, you’re old. It may sound a bit early to some, but an individual is officially elderly once they turn 57 years old.

The research, commissioned by LetsGetChecked, asked participants about a variety of age-related topics, including their top concerns about getting older. Unsurprisingly (không hề ngạc nhiên), declining health (39%) was the number one aging-related worry reported by respondents (người phản hồi), followed by wrinkles (36%), weight gain (36%), gray hair (35%), and hair loss (34%).

Other worries cited included losing the ability to take care of oneself (34%), age spots (34%), being viewed as “old” (33%), financial problems (33%), and loss of independence (19%).

Despite many saying they’re worried about their finances in old age, 45% admitted they aren’t actively saving for retirement. Among the other 55% who are saving for the future, the average participant saves about 19% of their monthly income.

Bài trước: Anh hài hước quá

Friday, June 5, 2020

Anh hài hước quá

trump nói mình xuống hầm để kiểm tra, chứ ko phải sợ bạo loạn... :D

The US president was taken to the facility amid demonstrations (biểu tình) nearby (gần đó) on Friday, with reports at the time suggesting he had been there for almost an hour along with First Lady (đệ nhất phu nhân) Melania Trump and their son Barron.

But while the Republican admitted (thừa nhận) he had been to the bunker (boong ke), he insisted it had only been briefly and had nothing to do with the protests.

He told Fox News Radio: "It was much more for the inspection. I was there for a tiny, little period of time. They said it would be a good time to go down and take a look because maybe sometime you're going to need it."

Bài trước: Khôn quá cơ

Tuesday, June 2, 2020

Hành vi xúc phạm danh dự, nhân phẩm người khác sẽ bị pháp luật xử lý thế nào?

Một người ra toà vì tội xúc phạm danh dự nhân phẩm người khác. Tòa tuyên án phạt 100 triệu đồng bồi thường tổn thất tinh thần cho người bị hại. Người này phản đối:

- Năm trước tôi cũng chửi ông ta là đồ con lợn nhưng chỉ bị phạt có 50 triệu đồng thôi mà?

Thẩm phán lắc đầu :

- Từ năm ngoái đến nay, lợn tăng gíá hơn gấp đôi, giá rẻ chỉ có trên tivi nên phạt 100 triệu là công tâm, đúng pháp luật, 17/17!

Tuesday, May 19, 2020

Khôn quá cơ

chú chó (rất sốt ruột) bấm còi xe oto inh ỏi để chủ nhân mua đồ ở cửa hàng phải nhanh chóng quay ra...

Wally the boxer even shoots some 'serious side-eye' at his human Tyler Fust if he feels he hasn't been quick enough to come running back.

Recently, Tyler was finishing paying inside a shop near his home in Wisconsin, US, when he heard a car horn blaring from outside.

Despite the 32-year-old only being in shop for a couple of minutes, Wally had decided that enough was enough, and he sat upright in the driver's seat to push his left paw on the Ford pickup truck's steering wheel.

Monday, May 18, 2020

Mình còn cách ly bao lâu?

ko thành vấn đề với anh, đã biến lán vườn thành tiệm rượu, có cả máy hát karaoke rồi...

With the UK continuing to navigate the coronavirus pandemic and people forced to self-isolate and social distance, it's been a very long time since anyone has been able to set foot in a pub.

Nipping out for a cheeky (xấc láo, hỗn xược) Nando's and a pint (một vại bia) is a thing of the past (việc đã qua/xưa rồi).

But it doesn't have to be.

One man has taken matters into his own hands and created his very own pub in his back garden, inside his shed.

David Higby from Leigh-on-Sea in Essex has spent two years giving his 20-foot shed a makeover and finished his efforts just in time for lockdown.

Friday, May 8, 2020

Chuyện ông vua rất yêu quý đồng hồ

shared from fb nguyễn quốc vương,
Ngày xưa có một ông vua rất yêu quý đồng hồ. Trong bộ sưu tập đồng hồ của ông có một cái ông thích nhất và luôn đeo khi đi ngủ.

Một hôm khi ngủ dậy ông giật mình thấy chiếc đồng hồ không cánh mà bay. Ông nổi trận lôi đình lệnh cho các quan phải tìm bằng được. Lệnh truyền đi khắp nước. Sáng hôm sau, trong lúc đi tiểu vào bô ông tìm thấy chiếc đồng hồ rơi trong đó. Ông chợt nhớ ra đêm trước ông có uống cùng thứ phi và quá chén.

Đang ngắm chiếc đồng hồ yêu thích trên tay thì thị vệ hộc tốc chạy vào kêu to "muôn tâu thánh thượng. Có tin mừng. 120 tổng đốc ở 120 thành cấp báo đã bắt được tên hung thủ và thu hồi được đồng hồ. Những tên bị bắt đều khai ăn cắp một mình và nhận tội. Hiện đang cho đóng gông áp giải chúng cùng tang vật về kinh".

Hoàng thượng giật mình đánh rơi làm vỡ luôn chiếc đồng hồ. Ngài giật mình thét "Chém cha cái tay này".

Viên thị vệ giật mình cúi lạy rồi chạy nhanh ra ngoài truyền lệnh "Hoàng thượng truyền: chém".

Bài trước: Đúng quy trình

Wednesday, May 6, 2020

Cách Thụy Điển chuẩn bị cho lễ hội thời Covid-19

đổ một tấn phân gà ra công viên để... ngăn chặn người dân 'tụ tập đông người' (dễ lây lan virus)

“Lund could very well become an epicentre (tâm chấn) for the spread of the coronavirus on the last night in April, [so] I think it was a good initiative,” the chairman of the local council’s environment committee, Gustav Lundblad, told the Sydsvenskan newspaper.

“We get the opportunity to fertilise (bón phân) the lawns (bãi cỏ), and at the same time it will stink (hôi thối) and so it may not be so nice to sit and drink beer in the park,” Lundblad said, adding that the only potential drawback was that the smell may not be confined to (bị giới hạn bởi) the park.

Monday, May 4, 2020

Chắc đủ qua mùa dịch

lính cứu hỏa ở indiana đợi trợ cấp 1.700 usd từ chính phủ thì thấy 8,2 triệu usd trong tài khoản khi rút tiền từ atm :D
A volunteer firefighter (lính cứu hỏa tình nguyện) in Indiana recently had the surprise of a lifetime (ngạc nhiên cả đời).

Charles Calvin, of New Chicago, Ind., told WGN 9 he withdrew $200 from his checking account at an ATM last weekend.

He glanced down on his receipt and noticed a few more zeroes than usual. He told the station his bank account balance was $8.2 million.

Calvin was supposed to receive $1,700 from the stimulus payments (khoản chi trong gói cứu trợ kích cầu) going out to Americans to help assist those impacted (bị ảnh hưởng) by the coronavirus.

The volunteer firefighter said he ran his card through the ATM again to make sure it was accurate (chính xác), and there it was: He was a millionaire (triệu phú). Calvin told the station that he immediately (ngay lập tức) called his bank to report his newfound wealth, but by the time they investigated (điều tra), the money was gone. His bank did inform him that his $1,700 stimulus payment was deposited, although he's still wondering if the mistake was a fluke or if taxpayers in the U.S. aren't receiving the right amount.

Để đạt được tham vọng lên Mặt Trăng định cư

các phi hành gia có thể xây trạm trên mặt trăng bằng... nước tiểu :D
The modules that the major space agencies plan to erect on the Moon could incorporate an element contributed by the human colonizers themselves: the urea in their pee. European researchers have found that it could be used as a plasticizer (chất làm mềm dẻo) in the concrete (bê tông) of the structures.

NASA, the European Space Agency (ESA) and its Chinese counterpart plan to build moon bases (trạm nghiên cứu trên mặt trăng) in the coming decades, as part of a broader space exploration plan (kế hoạch thăm dò không gian) that will take humans to more distant destinations (các diểm đến xa hơn), such as Mars (sao hỏa).

However, the colonization (định cư) of the Moon poses problems such as high levels of radiation, extreme temperatures, meteorite bombardment (sao băng) and a logistical issue: how to get construction materials there, although it may not be necessary.

Transporting about 0.45 kg from the Earth to space costs about $10,000, which means that building a complete module on our satellite in this way would be very expensive. This is the reason why space agencies are thinking of using raw materials from the moon’s surface, or even those that astronauts (phi hành gia) themselves can provide, such as their urine (nước đái)...

88 phần trăm còn lại rất cảm ơn

điều tra về làm việc tại nhà cho thấy 12% cbnv sẽ tắt camera khi đang họp vì... thiếu vải :D

Mentimeter, an interactive presentation tool, announced it commissioned a survey of 1,500 people working from home amid the COVID-19 pandemic and found 12 percent of respondents admitted to keeping their video cameras off during meetings on Zoom, Skype or Google Hangouts because they were naked (khỏa thân) or only partially clothed (chỉ mặc áo).

The company also said 44 percent of those surveyed admitted they dressed in more professional attire (trang phục chuyên nghiệp) specifically for video meetings, while 16 percent said they had re-arranged their homes to look more professional in the background (bối cảnh, hậu cảnh) of a video call.

Ngoan và đáng yêu quá

anh chàng mexico bị phong tỏa vì virus đã nhờ chó cưng đi mua hàng, kẹp tiền và giấy kê hàng vào cổ chó... :)
People around the world are being told to stay at home in an effort to slow the spread of coronavirus.

Although many of us are still allowed out to pick up essentials, those in self-isolation are often left relying on others for help.

But what about those non-essentials, the treats we get a craving for which won't go away until it's been satisfied - important things like crisps?

One man who developed a serious hankering (ao ước, khao khát, thèm muốn) for some Cheetos devised a plan to turn his dream into reality, with a little help from a self-isolating man's best friend.

Antonio Muñoz from Mexico was just three days into his stint (sự hạn chế cung cấp; sự hạn chế cố gắng, sự không làm hết sức mình; phần việc) at home when he enlisted the help of his pet chihuahua to run him an errand.

Thế đã đủ sợ chưa?

thợ sửa oto làm xe hình virus corona để mọi người nâng cao nhận thức (tự giác ở nhà)...
A carmaker in India has created a coronavirus-shaped car to raise public awareness about preventing infections. The custom-made automobile was unveiled (bỏ mạng che mặt; khánh thành (tượng đài), bỏ màn (trong một buổi lễ công cộng); trình bày công khai, tuyên bố công khai; để lộ, tiết lộ) on Wednesday in Hyderabad.

Sudhakar plans to later donate (tặng, cúng) the car to Hyderabad police so that they may further educate the city about the coronavirus.

...In the past, the local public figure has built other vehicles to promote diverse social messages. He engineered a condom bike (xe đạp hình bao cao su) to support AIDS awareness, a cigarette bike for a “stop smoking” campaign, a helmet car to highlight road safety, and a cage (lồng chim) car to spread the message not to cage birds.

Bài trước: Đùa với công an