Journey in Life: funny

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Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Monday, May 10, 2021

Tình hình Covid-19 thật tồi tệ

giá bột giấy tăng khiến... giấy vệ sinh ngày càng đắt đỏ... :D

...Prices for market pulp have jumped from $606 USD per metric ton in September to more than $907 per metric ton in April, McClay said.

A combination of factors has driven prices higher, including a post-COVID recovery in China, the biggest buyer of pulp in the world, and global shipping delays (vận tải biển toàn cầu bị chậm/hoãn) he said.

Consumer manufacturers purchase pulp on the open market and then use it to make toilet paper and other tissue products. Around 70 per cent of the pulp that U.S. consumer manufacturers buy for toilet paper comes from Brazil, McClay said, followed by around 30 per cent from Canada.

Pulp is just the latest example of a raw-material shortage hitting the U.S. economy as it recovers from shutdowns that disrupted supply chains (chuỗi cung ứng bị đứt gãy) and altered consumer behavior. Lumber, steel, computer chips, chlorine, and even human labor is hard to find.

Wednesday, April 28, 2021

Có phải của anh không?

cảnh sát arizona đã bắt giữ gã đàn ông đâm xe hàng xóm bị... đứt rời ngón tay ở hiện trường... :D

Maricopa Police Department spokesman Hal Koozer said Kevin Johnson was arrested and identified as the owner of the finger found on his neighbor's driveway.

Francesca Wikoff told police she found the finger on April 15 after discovering her vehicle had two slashed tires on one side. Police said a trail of blood (vệt máu) led to a nearby residence.

Authorities said Wikoff and her husband went to a neighbor's home the day before.

She told police a male neighbor joined them uninvited and became drunk and aggressive. Wikoff said the neighbor pushed and threatened her and her husband before being asked to leave.

Bài trước: Ôi, không

Sunday, April 25, 2021

Con đường trở thành siêu cường của Liên Xô

cuộc họp đảng ủy thành phố cảng sevastopol đi tới phần thảo luận, đồng chí bí thư hỏi các đảng viên:

- các quốc gia tư bản như anh, pháp, mỹ... họ rất giỏi, nhưng đố các đồng chí họ thua ta ở chỗ nào?

cả hội trường tìm mãi chả thấy chỗ nào dở để phát biểu, đảng viên trẻ victor giơ tay hăng hái:

- thưa đồng chí, họ chỉ có thể nuôi bò để lấy sữa và làm thịt, họ không thể đào tạo được bò vào xô viết tối cao như chúng ta...

Thursday, April 22, 2021

Ôi, không

camera máy tính, như mắt người... :D

Inspired by animatronics, Eyecam attaches to the front of a computer monitor and looks left and right – and even blinks (nháy mắt) – while tracking the face of each individual during a video call.

At first glance, it looks scarily realistic, right down to the wrinkles in the skin, the individual hairs that make up the eyebrows and the red vessels over the white of the eye.

Eyecam – which is comprised of motors surrounded by 3D-printed silicone – is open source, meaning you could create your own version at home.

Wednesday, April 14, 2021

Thế mới công bằng

người đàn ông ở vienna, áo bị phạt gần 14 triệu đồng vì đánh rắm vào mặt cảnh sát, đã được giảm chỉ còn phải nộp 2,7 triệu sau khi kháng cáo :D

The unidentified culprit (thủ phạm) was fined for 'offending public decency' after farting (đánh rắm) provocatively (khiêu khích, trêu chọc) at police on June 5, 2020.

The man successfully challenged the hefty fine (khoản tiền phạt lớn) by arguing his flatulence (đầy bụng, đầy hơi) was a 'biological process' (quá trình sinh học).

...He also claimed that breaking wind should be seen as a right under freedom of expression (tự do biểu đạt), even if he had done so deliberately (có chủ đích, chủ ý).

Freedom of expression in Austria is not limited to communication and can take other forms, such as noises.

However, the sound or communication must have 'communicative intent', which, the court said, was not the case with a fart.

Bài trước: Anh đi xa em quá

Anh đi xa em quá

người đàn ông quốc tịch thụy sĩ 66 tuổi sống ở tây ban nha, chạy sai làn gần biên giới với pháp, trên ghế phụ là... một xác chết..., đang bị điều tra :)
An investigation has been launched after a man drove the wrong way down a highway in Spain with a dead body in the passenger seat. The unnamed motorist, 66, was arrested after he was involved in a crash close to the town of Girona in the northeast of the country.

When officers arrived at the scene of the crash and looked inside his vehicle they found the body of an elderly man in an advanced state of decomposition (phân hủy, thối rữa), which was covered with a blanket (phủ chăn) and strapped into the front passenger seat using the belt (đeo dây an toàn ở ghế trước).

A Catalonia regional police spokesperson told the AFP news agency that the driver was originally heading towards the French border.

After seeing French law enforcement conducting roadside border checks at the crossing into France near Le Boulou, he allegedly turned his vehicle around and drove the wrong way down the AP-7 highway.

Police alleged that the driver, a Spanish-Swiss dual national who lived in Spain, ignored signals to stop his vehicle and after nearly 20 miles of driving he turned off the road and crashed.

Monday, April 5, 2021

Thế thì chịu rồi

người đàn ông bị bắt vì sở hữu ma túy nói rằng đó là muối để chữa sưng chân... :)
When Louisiana cops yesterday found a “clear crystal like substance” inside a plastic Walmart bag in his pocket, John Combs did not, like some suspects, claim it was a laxative (thuốc xổ) or sugar and corn starch to use in baking a cake.

Turns out it was methamphetamine, according to a probable cause affidavit (bản khai có tuyên thệ).

After spotting Combs--who was carrying a large wooden stick--walking in the middle of a West Monroe roadway around 4:25 AM Tuesday, a cop asked Combs to put down the stick and then “patted him down for any more possible weapons.”

During the frisk (lần người để tìm khí giới), Combs reportedly sought to keep the patrolman from searching a pants pocket (which held the crystalline substance).

Sunday, April 4, 2021

Ở tay thì bình thường thôi

em gái hà lan được xăm từ xa cách gần 500km nhờ công nghệ 5G...
It’s the perfect way to get inked during a pandemic.

A woman in the Netherlands has received a tattoo remotely by an artist more than 300 miles away in the UK — made possible with 5G cellular technology and the latest in robotics.

The futuristic stunt was organized by T-Mobile Netherlands and London-based technologist Noel Drew as part of a marketing campaign to demonstrate the power of 5G.

London ink artist Wes Thomas was enlisted to operate the robot appendage, with tattoo needle attached, to reproduce one of his abstract designs onto the inner forearm of Dutch actress Stijn Fransen.

“The 5G tattoo may have been a world first, but it was [also] an authentic use of cutting-edge technology, combined with an ancient art, to tell a very human story,”

Bài trước: Nghề căng thẳng

Nghề căng thẳng

cán bộ thuế ở houston vung vẩy súng trước mặt khách hàng...

Latunya Wright, 46, was arrested and charged with two felonies (trọng tội) after Harris County deputies responded to a disturbance at MZ BIZ Tax Services on Kuykendahl Road in north Houston on Thursday.

Wright allegedly got into a verbal altercation with a customer "that turned physical," the Harris County Constable Precinct 4 said in a statement.

"Investigation revealed that she struck the victim with a firearm that she brandished during the altercation," the precinct said.

Ai cũng có vài đồng nghiệp đạt cảnh giới này rồi

nghiên cứu của viện khcn okinawa cho thấy: trong tương lai, nước bọt con người có thể độc như rắn... :D

Okinawa Institute of Science and Technology Graduate University researchers looked for genes that work alongside and interact with venom in pit viper snakes.

They found that the genetic foundation required for oral venom to evolve is present in both reptiles and mammals, suggesting humans could evolve to spit venom.

Saturday, April 3, 2021

Không thì lấy tiền đâu mà sống?

tội phạm ma túy sau nhiều năm lẩn trốn, cuối cùng đã bị cảnh sát tóm vì... xuất hiện trên vlog dạy nấu ăn :D

But Biart, an alleged member of southern Italy’s powerful 'Ndrangheta crime syndicate, had failed to obscure (không làm mờ) his tattoos (hình xăm) on tape — a clue (manh mối) authorities say they used to track down (lần theo dấu vết) the mobster (kẻ cướp) in the Dominican Republic.

Biart, 53, was arrested Monday at Milan’s Malpensa Airport after arriving on a flight from Santo Domingo

Italian law enforcement officials working with Interpol, the global police organization, have in the past decade aggressively pursued the group’s affiliates, the country’s biggest and most influential mafia organization.

Sunday, March 28, 2021

Châu chấu rang lá chanh - món ngon mùa gặt

ăn cũng có chừng mực thôi,

người đàn ông sống cách đây hơn 1.000 năm chết do... táo bón vì ăn châu chấu suốt mấy tháng đấy :D

And during the painful months just prior to his death, he ate mainly grasshoppers (châu chấu), the study researchers found.

Apparently, Chagas disease, which is caused by a parasite (động vật ký sinh) called Trypanosoma cruzi, had blocked up the man's gastrointestinal system (hệ tiêu hóa). That blockage caused his colon (ruột kết) to swell to about six times its normal size — a condition called "megacolon." The man was unable to digest foods properly and gradually became malnourished (bị suy dinh dưỡng, thiếu ăn), scientists found. The condition would have made it difficult for the man to walk or even eat on his own. The researchers think that in the last two to three months of his life — either family or members of his community — helped the man eat by feeding him grasshoppers whose legs had been removed.

Chán chẳng muốn làm việc

tệ đến mấy chắc chắn còn hơn anh chàng bác sĩ thú y ở thái lan này rồi,

chữa cho voi bị táo bón, nhận nguyên một bãi khổng lồ vào mặt... :))
We’ve all, at some point complained about how our job is way too hard and too shitty (bẩn thỉu, kinh tởm; đê tiện, bần tiện, đáng khinh), all the while meaning it metaphorically, of course. Well, thank the lord for metaphors, because for some people, their job can be shitty (như cứt), quite literally (theo nghĩa đen).

Take, for instance, Dr Tom who is a vet (bác sĩ thú y). Now you might think of his job as one dealing with cute cuddly animals and getting to pet as many dogs and cats as he wants, but it’s not just that.

According to LADbible, one fine day, he was sent to treat constipated (bị táo bón) elephant Lana at the Elephant Nature Park in Chiang Mai, northern Thailand. Long story short, the elephant was relieved, but Dr Tom, not so much.

Saturday, March 27, 2021

Covid-19: sao cứ phải giãn cách và có tấm chắn ở nhà hàng ăn?

thử cách mới đi,

các nhà khoa học ở mexico đã chế ra... khẩu trang chỉ che mỗi mũi :D

The specially-designed nose masks (khẩu trang mũi) are to be worn underneath your bog-standard face mask, but come into their own when the time comes to pull down the full mask to eat or drink.

Scientists from the National Polytechnic Institute in Mexico said in a press release that the mask 'will help reduce infections (giảm lây nhiễm) by the SARS-CoV-2 coronavirus - whose main route of entry into the body is by air' but warns that they are 'not intended to replace the masks'.

Instead they say the masks will help to 'reinforce measures' when carrying out certain activities such as eating, drinking or visiting the dentist.

Dr. Acosta Altamirano, who is a specialist in immunology (dịch tễ học) and worked on the mask, said the mask will provide 'an important contribution' to help stop the spread of the virus.

Mời anh ra khỏi nhà tôi

núi lửa phun ở iceland hóa ra lại... nằm trên đất tư :D

The land in question is a large area called Hraun (literally “Lava” in Icelandic), located east of Grindavík. Vísir reports that one Guðmundur Ragnar Einarsson inherited this land from his father. There are now about 20 people who share in the ownership.

Fortunately, Iceland also has so-called “freedom to roam” laws on the books. As explained by the Environment Agency of Iceland:

“The Icelandic Nature Conservation Act regulates outdoor activities and standards of conduct. It stipulates (quy định) that everyone has the right to travel around the country and enjoy its nature as long as the traveller is tidy and careful not to damage or otherwise spoil (làm hỏng, phá hoại) natural resources (tài nguyên thiên nhiên). It is permissible (được phép) to cross uncultivated private property without seeking any special permission, but landowners may limit routes with signs [or] other marks.”

As Hraun is arguably uncultivated and undeveloped, nor is it under the auspices of any conservation areas, anyone is indeed free to visit the volcano, even if it is on private land.

Thursday, March 25, 2021

Lắp xong rồi, nhưng đừng bật nhé

công ty của mỹ phải thu hồi 191.000 sản phẩm vì cánh quạt... bay ra khỏi quạt trần khi đang quay :D
Ceiling fans (quạt trần) should cool a room, not cut the people or things in a room. That’s why Fort Lauderdale company King of Fans recalled 191,000 Hampton Bay 54-inch Ceiling Fans in the U.S. and Canada.

The exact problem, as stated by the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission recall notice: “The blades (cánh quạt, lưỡi dao) can detach (rời) from the fan while in use, posing an injury hazard (nguy hiểm, rủi ro) to consumers.”

King of Fans knows about the blade detachment happening 47 times. Twice, people were injured. Four times, property got damaged.

Bài trước: Mất cả tuổi thơ

Wednesday, March 24, 2021

Mất cả tuổi thơ

nhà khí tượng học ở iowa cảnh báo mọi người đừng liếm trụ băng vì... (có lẽ) toàn phân chim... :D
These seemingly pristine (ban sơ, tinh khôi, không bị hư hỏng, còn mới nguyên; tươi, sạch sẽ như mới) winter treats are laced with petrified (biến thành đá, hóa đá; làm sững sờ, làm chết điếng) bird turds (cục phân chim).

“Please don’t do that,” pleads Sioux Falls weatherwoman Katie Nickolaou in the viral clip, which depicts a blurred-out TikToker crunching an icicle like a carrot. “I’m a meteorologist I should know.”

And here’s why, apparently: “When icicles form, it’s from water that melts off your roof and runs down the side of a building,” said Nickolaou. “You know what else is on your roof? Bird poop. A lot of it.”

As she points out, that fecal runoff freezes in the ice like an excremental (phân) slushie. So anyone attempting to enjoy one of nature’s popsicles (kem que) is inadvertently “eating poop,” per the clip.

Thế thì đã làm sao?

em gái 22 tuổi ở Worsley, Greater Manchester (say rượu) lái xe ôtô với 2 bánh mất lốp... :D
...Manchester Magistrates Court heard that sparks could be seen coming from the vehicle as Hadid-Alanzi attempted to drive the car - despite it only having two functioning wheels.

She was pulled over by the officer - who was said to have smelt alcohol on her breath - before being ordered to complete a roadside breath test.

The court heard that she blew a reading of 60 micrograms of alcohol in 100 millilitres of breath - which is above the legal limit (vượt mức luật cho phép).

Qua bên kia làm cốc cafe

thôi, cẩn thận bị tính tiền... gần 6.000 usd như một phụ nữ ở Colorado đấy :)
Accidents can happen with credit cards (thẻ tín dụng) — so if you're charged extra for a cup of coffee, it should be a relatively easy fix.

Well, it should be.

Tuesday, March 23, 2021

Tự do là hạnh phúc

shared from fb đỗ hùng,
Mạng lưới Giải pháp Phát triển Bền vững của Liên Hiệp Quốc vừa công bố Báo cáo Hạnh phúc Thế giới.

Với việc chống dịch Covid-19 xuất sắc cùng nhiều thành tựu khác, Đài Loan được xếp rất cao, vị trí 24. Nhưng trong báo cáo lại ghi Tỉnh Đài Loan của Trung Quốc.

Trên twitter Bộ Ngoại giao Đài Loan, Bộ trưởng Ngô Chiêu Tiếp (Joseph Wu) bèn biên:
“Chúng tôi rất vui khi có mặt trong nhóm các quốc gia dẫn đầu và giữ vị trí số 1 khu vực Đông Á. Đáng buồn thay, báo cáo liệt kê chúng tôi là Tỉnh Đài Loan của Trung Quốc. Ơ kìa, chúng tôi hạnh phúc chính là bởi không thuộc về nó (*). Thực tế là, chúng tôi không thể hạnh phúc nếu chúng tôi là một phần của nó hoặc nằm dưới sự cai trị của chính phủ ấy.”

Chị Tiêu Mỹ Cầm, đại sứ Đài Loan ở Mỹ, phụ họa: “JW nói chuẩn không cần chỉnh, làm sao chúng tôi có thể hạnh phúc nếu là một phần của Trung Quốc? Chúng tôi yêu chuộng tự do, đấy là nền tảng của hạnh phúc.”
(*) Nó ở đây là Trung Quốc.

- Thấy báo chí Việt Nam đưa tin Việt Nam thăng hạng 4 bậc, mừng húm, lên vị trí 79.
P.S: Nhưng em ạ, anh chỉ hạnh phúc khi thuộc về em, là một phần của em và ở trong em!

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