Journey in Life: funny

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Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Saturday, February 27, 2021

Không chịu nổi

lợn chạy vào đồn, cảnh sát hoảng loạn chạy ra...
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The station house officer (SHO) said one of the pigs was brought back out while the personnel sought help to bring out the other one.

The police managed to reclaim (đòi lại, giành lại) the station with the help of locals (người dân địa phương).

Đồng chí thông cảm

ông lão 88 tuổi chạy xe ôtô với tốc độ gần 200 km/giờ, khi bị csgt giữ lại thì nói... đang muộn đi tiêm vắc-xin covid-19... :)
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The speed limit (tốc độ tối đa) on the road where he was picked up on Thursday is 110 kilometres per hour, police in the eastern French Bas-Rhin region said on Facebook.

The driver, a local, "gave as a reason for his speeding that he was late for his anti-Covid vaccine", it said.

Officers confiscated the man's driving licence (giữ bằng lái) and impounded (nhốt vào bãi rào) his car.

Friday, February 26, 2021

Trộm cắp như rươi

cảnh sát đến hiện trường chung cư, mọi thứ còn nguyên ngoại trừ... cửa thang máy đã bị trộm mất từ đêm qua :D
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...On arrival, deputies were directed to the lobby where everything appeared to be in place other than the elevator door (cửa thang máy). They concluded that it must have been stolen overnight.

According to the KCSO, the cost to replace the door could run from $7,000 to $10,000.

As of Monday morning, there are no new developments in the case and deputies are hoping for some leads. It is unclear if there was one suspect who somehow acted alone or if there were multiple individuals who pulled off the peculiar (lạ kỳ, khác thường; lập dị, kỳ dị) caper (hành động dại dột; hành động kỳ cục).

Có vẻ có tác dụng

làm khẩu trang từ giấy vệ sinh... :D
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Officials learned on Wednesday that Viet Han Company Ltd was using large toilet paper rolls (cuộn giấy) at its factory (nhà máy) in the city.

The material (nguyên liệu) was used to replace an antibacterial layer usually found in masks, said Hoang Dai Nghia, chief of Team 1 at the Hanoi Market Surveillance (giám sát thị trường) Agency.

Hoang told the Vietnam Express that Viet Han Company sought to profit (lợi nhuận) off the COVID-19 pandemic (đại dịch), which has infected (lây nhiễm) more than 63,000 people in China and killed at least 1,380. Sixteen cases have been confirmed in Vietnam.

"This company is cheating consumers (lừa dối người tiêu dùng) amid the novel coronavirus outbreak (đợt bùng phát)," he said, adding that the company's stock was confiscated (bị tịch thu) and the agency is considering the highest penalties possible.

Viet Han Company is a printing and napkin company. It is not registered as a producer of medical supplies (thiết bị y tế).

Bài trước: Ngạc nhiên chưa

Thursday, February 25, 2021

Ngạc nhiên chưa

mua bộ thêu thùa thì thấy 1 kg cocaine trong đó...
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...She found “a suspicious heavy item encased in yellow rubber giving off an odd odor with 100% written on the outside” when she opened the kit.

The woman called 911 and officers took possession of the kit and the kilo.

It was later confirmed that the package contained a kilogram of cocaine and police placed it into evidence. A kilogram of cocaine is worth between $22,000 and $30,000 in Seattle,

Bài trước: Quá hời

Quá hời

mua đồ chơi cũ cho con gái thì thấy 5.000 viên fentanyl (thuốc an thần giảm đau) trong ruột... :)
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The parents, who weren’t named in the news release, cleaned a glow worm toy at their north Phoenix home and discovered a sandwich bag inside with more than 5,000 pills, police said Saturday.

Phoenix police said the parents contacted them and handed over the pills.

“Great job parents! Remember, please inspect all opened and used items for your family’s safety,” police wrote on Facebook.

Tuesday, February 23, 2021

Rợn người sự thật kinh hoàng về nước tăng lực “Bò Húc”

phát nổ khi ăn thịt nướng, cảnh sát ập đến phát hiện ra 2 thanh niên trồng cần sa :D
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A concerned member of public called the police after hearing the three Red Bull cans exploding, believing them to have been gunshots (súng nổ) being fired inside a house.

Armed officers quickly surrounded the semi-detached property in Hollydale Road, Bakersfield.

They heard loud voices from the back of the house, only to find the burst cans.

Police found two men inside surrounded by cannabis plants.

Following a search, 180 cannabis plants were seized and officers also found a large amount of fertilizer, chemicals, three mobile phones and a large amount of cash.

"Cái ấy" cũng phải bằng vàng mới xứng

nasa chuẩn bị đưa hệ thống toa-lét vào vận hành, trị giá... 23 triệu usd ;)
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It’s packed inside a cargo ship set to blast off late Thursday from Wallops Island, Virginia.

Barely 100 pounds (45 kilograms) and just 28 inches (71 centimeters) tall, it’s roughly half as big as the two Russian-built toilets at the space station. It's more camper-size to fit into the NASA Orion capsules that will carry astronauts (phi hành gia) to the moon in a few years.

Station residents will test it out for a few months. If the shakedown goes well, the toilet will be open for regular business.

With SpaceX now launching astronauts to the space station and Boeing less than a year from sending up its first crew, more toilets are needed.

Bài trước: Hết răng ăn...

Hết răng ăn...

thợ nước đấm vào mồm đồng nghiệp khi đang... sửa toa-lét...
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A plumber (thợ sửa đường nước) reported being assaulted (tấn công) by a co-worker (đồng nghiệp) while on a job at 9:30 a.m. Sept. 28. According to the victim (nạn nhân), he called his boss (sếp) for a second plumber to assist with installing a toilet at a home.

The co-worker arrived and was complaining (phàn nàn) about the job. When the victim told the man to stop complaining and work, the man reportedly punched (đấm) the victim in the mouth (mồm), causing an injury (chấn thương). There was no further information at the time of the report.

Bài trước: Quý khách chú ý

Quý khách chú ý

đi siêu thị ở atlanta, chỉnh quần rơi súng...
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The gunshot (tiếng súng nổ) rang out through the Lenox Square mall around 6 p.m. Saturday, Sgt. John Chafee told the Daily News Sunday.

Witnesses (nhân chứng) initially told police (ban đầu nói với cảnh sát) there may have been a “dispute” (tranh cãi) between two people, but officers confirmed (xác nhận) that no such fight (ẩu đả) happened.

Instead, the armed man fired the “accidental” discharge while adjusting, Chafee said.

No one was injured (bị thương), but the man fled the scene and has not been identified (xác định danh tính) or located.

“We urge gun owners to be responsible and we would recommend they leave their firearms at home while they are out shopping in public areas,” Chafee said.

Monday, February 22, 2021

Rắn, rắn: Cứu tôi với

người phụ nữ séc kinh hãi vì phát hiện con rắn lớn cuộn tròn trong toa-lét, cảnh sát vội đến giải cứu thì hóa ra là... ỨT :D
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The municipality police of the Czech town of Milovice had a rather smelly (nặng mùi, hôi, thối, ôi) case to deal with.

They received a phone call from a terrified (thất kinh, khiếp đảm) woman telling them that she found a snake in her toilet. She blocked the toilet and waited anxiously (lo lắng, bồn chồn) for the officers to rescue (giải cứu) her.

The police hurried to her apartment thinking how big of a snake can fit in a toilet bowl and what would be the best technique (kỹ thuật) to use for the capture (bắt rắn).

When they arrived at the scene (đến hiện trường), they found the toilet lid (nắp bồn cầu) covered by electronics the woman put there to prevent (ngăn chặn) the animal (con vật) from escaping (chạy thoát) to her flat (căn hộ).

One of the police officers gathered up courage and lifted the lid with the device on it.

As he didn’t end up bitten (bị cắn) and no creature (sinh vật, loài vật) managed to escape from under the lid, the officers used a flashlight (đèn pin) to investigate (điều tra) the insides of the toilet bowl.

What they found was, by no means, a venomous (có độc) snake, even though the shape (hình dạng) of the object did share some similarity (giống nhau).

Disgusted by the brown finding, they decided to eliminate it by flushing it to the place where such items belong.

They said their goodbyes to the embarrassed (xấu hổ) lady and left to solve another mysterious case (vụ việc kỳ bí).

Bài trước: Vui mà

Vui mà

lái xe oto lao thẳng vào mặt hồ đang đóng băng, tí thì chết chìm...
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Police say he offered two very different explanations as to why he was driving on the lake.

Sounds a bit like a fishy story.

...Police say the driver was not under the influence.

When they questioned him and asked why he drove through the boat launch and onto the lake they got quite the response.

"He said he thought it'd be fun to drive on the ice. But then he thought it was a parking lot (bãi đỗ xe),” said Allegheny County Police Lieutenant Scott Scherer.

Sunday, February 21, 2021

Liệu trận chung kết Úc mở rộng 2021 có diễn ra tình huống "dở khóc dở cười" này?

cơ thủ bi-da Ronnie O'Sullivan lỡ đánh rắm trong giải Bắc Ireland mở rộng và đổ lỗi cho trọng tài... :D
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...The evidence ... Ronnie -- aka "The Rocket" -- was participating (tham gia) in the Northern Ireland Open on Wednesday, competing against (thi đấu với) Matthew Stevens when someone tore ass (đánh rắm).

The arena was basically empty (trống, vắng) due to COVID -- so the only people in the room were the players and officials.

In other words, you could hear a pin drop (nghe tiếng kim rơi) ... or in this case, a buttcheek ripple.

The poot (tiếng rắm) was so loud (rõ to), everyone took notice -- including the announcers (người giới thiệu diễn giả, ca sĩ, chương trình (trên đài phát thanh hoặc truyền hình)) who immediately (ngay lập tức) cracked jokes (pha trò) and began to suggest Ronnie was the flatulator (người bị đầy bụng).

But, Ronnie didn't take the blame initially -- instead, looking at an official and asking, "Was that you?!"

J'ACCUSE!!!

But, the denial (phủ nhận) didn't last long, Ronnie eventually copped to the anal honk ... saying after the match, "I dropped my guts -- I am taking full ownership of that. I have had stomach problems for a couple of months."

Saturday, February 20, 2021

Chuyện Thầy Đuy-sen và Đồng chí Lê-nin

shared from fb khăn piêu,
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1. Một buổi sáng nọ, thầy Đuy-sen đến lớp, buồn rầu nói:
- Các em, đồng chí Lê-nin đã mất. Nhưng lý tưởng của đồng chí sẽ sống mãi trong sự nghiệp của chúng ta.
- Trời ơi, thật là một tổn thất lớn. Ước gì ngược lại được không, thưa thầy?

2. Giờ học Toán
- Các em ạ - thầy Đuy-sen vừa nói vừa viết lên bảng – đồng chí Lê-nin đã nói:
“Chủ nghĩa Cộng sản bằng Chính quyền Xô viết cộng với Điện khí hóa toàn quốc”

Ở dưới làm bài:
“Chính quyền Xô Viết bằng Chủ nghĩa Cộng sản trừ đi Điện khí hóa toàn quốc”
“Điện khí hóa toàn quốc bằng Chủ nghĩa Cộng sản trừ đi Chính quyền Xô Viết”

3. Học, học nữa, học mãi (“Учиться, учиться и учиться”)
Một nhà báo được phỏng vấn Lê-nin, liền hỏi:
- Thưa lãnh tụ, lý do gì đã khiến người đưa ra khẩu hiệu: “Учиться, учиться и учиться”, khi ban hành "Chính sách Kinh tế Mới"?
- À, thử cái bút mới tý thôi.

Cách đơn giản nhưng hiệu quả giúp bạn tìm được cân bằng trong cuộc sống

theo giáo sư tâm lý trường đại học columbia (kinh nghiệm thực tế) thì là... hút cần nhé :D
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Carl Hart is a Columbia University professor (giáo sư) of psychology (tâm lý học) and neuroscience (khoa học thần kinh). He chairs the psych department and has a fondness for heroin – not only as a subject of scholarly pursuit but also as a substance for personal use.

At 54, the married father of three has snorted (khịt (mũi), hít (ma túy)) small amounts of heroin for as many as 10 days in a row and enjoyed it mightily – even if, as he recalls in his new book “Drug Use for Grown-ups: Chasing Liberty in the Land of Fear” (Penguin Press), he’s experienced mild withdrawal symptoms “12 to 16 hours after the last dose.”

But, as Hart sees it, the discomfort is a worthwhile trade-off.

“There aren’t many things in life that I enjoy more than a few lines by the fireplace at the end of the day,” he writes, pointing out that the experience leaves him “refreshed” and “prepared to face another day.”

Hart, who studies the effects of psychoactive drugs on humans, finds his use of the narcotic (chất gây ngủ hoặc đôi khi tạo ra trạng thái thờ thẫn; thuốc mê; thuốc làm ảnh hưởng đến tinh thần; ma túy) to be “as rational as my alcohol use. Like vacation, sex and the arts, heroin is one of the tools that I use to maintain my work-life balance (cân bằng công việc và cuộc sống).”

Trên công trường không còn rộn tiếng ca

chú chim bồ câu alabama vượt qua 8.000 km tới úc (kỳ tích), giờ phải đối mặt với... "án tử hình" vì các nhà chức trách e ngại covid-19...
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An Alabama racing pigeon (chim đua) that survived a lengthy and mysterious (khó giải thích, khó hiểu, bí ẩn) trip across the Pacific Ocean (thái bình dương) — landing last month in an Australian backyard — is now facing the death penalty (án tử hình).

Local authorities, worried about disease (bệnh), say they plan to kill (giết) the bird as soon as they can catch it.

...But while Joe may have survived the 8,000-mile journey, Australia has some of the world’s strictest quarantine (cách ly) laws, and a pigeon from the United States could be carrying exotic (vật ngoại lai) diseases that threaten Australia’s biosecurity, authorities said.

Under normal circumstances, importing a pigeon would require permits (giấy phép), health certificates and a reservation at a quarantine facility.

In 2015, Australian authorities threatened to euthanize two dogs belonging to Johnny Depp and his then-wife Amber Heard, after they sneaked the Yorkshire terriers into the country without the proper permits.

Vận đen năm 2020 vẫn đeo bám

quạ ở tháp london đã biến mất...
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One of the Tower of London's ravens (quạ), the conspiracy (âm mưu) of birds whose fate is said to be intertwined (quấn vào nhau, bện vào nhau) with that of Britain, is missing, feared dead, the royal palace said on Thursday.

"We have some really unhappy news to share," the Tower announced on its website.

"Our much-loved raven Merlina has not been seen at the Tower for several weeks, and her continued absence indicates to us that she may have sadly passed away," it added.

According to folklore, if there are fewer than six ravens left to guard the Tower, both the kingdom (vương quốc) and country will collapse (sụp đổ).

Lý do nào người dân Montana vật lộn trong giá buốt?

mất điện toàn thành phố vì... quạ ỉa :D
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...It was a perplexing (phức tạp, rắc rối, khó hiểu) and costly (hao tiền tốn của, tai hại) dilemma (thế tiến thoái lưỡng nan, tình trạng khó xử), and it took a stroke of luck to solve the mystery of what was causing the outages on NorthWestern’s transmission lines (truyền điện, dây điện).

Late one winter afternoon, NorthWestern Energy employee James Lueck was out with a crew who were working on the 500kV lines. Just as the sun was starting to set, huge flocks of ravens (đàn quạ khổng lồ) began landing on the 500kV towers to roost (đậu, ngủ) for the night.

“It was like something out of a Hitchcock movie,” Lueck said.

Ravens are a challenge for energy companies because their numbers — flocks can number in the thousands.

They roost on power lines and leave droppings (phân chim) on insulators (cái cách điện). When the dried droppings combine with fog (sương mù) or light rain, the mixture conducts electricity and creates a bridge along the insulator “skirts,” which causes a fault (rò điện) on the line. It creates the perfect opportunity for outages (mất điện).

Friday, February 19, 2021

Im lặng không là vàng

giáo sư say sưa giảng bài qua zoom suốt hai tiếng, đến cuối buổi mới biết là mute (câm, lặng thinh)...
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After delivering a Zoom lecture for two hours, Professor Dong Wang of National University of Singapore soon realized that none of his students heard a word because his mic had been muted (câm, thầm lặng, lặng thinh, ngầm, không nói được nên lời, im hơi lặng tiếng; chặn tiếng, làm câm).

Wang then called for questions from the roughly 20 students who actually stayed connected to the online class throughout the whole thing — and got nothing but crickets.

...A student answered that they only heard a little at the beginning, at 6 p.m., and nothing else from 6:08 p.m. on as his screen froze.

A clearly rattled (bối rối, lo sợ, ngơ ngác) Wang then told the class that he’d repeat the entire lecture another time.

Azusa Chan, one of the students, told the news outlet that the professor inexplicably (không lý giải nổi) muted himself.

“Students tried all sorts of things to get his attention by unmuting and even calling his phone number. However, he did not respond and continued with the lesson,”

Đội trưởng eng éc đây

lợn có thể được dạy để sử dụng cần điều khiển chơi game... :D
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Pigs have previously been found to be capable of a host of tasks, including solving multiple-choice puzzles (câu đố), and learning commands (hiệu lệnh) such as “sit”.

Now researchers in the US say they have successfully trained four pigs to manipulate (vận hành, thao túng) a joystick and control a cursor (con trỏ trên màn hình điện toán) on a monitor.

“Potentially there may be more that pigs are capable of learning and understanding and responding to than we have previously envisaged,” said Prof Candace Croney of Purdue University, who co-authored the research.

Bài trước: Số nhọ

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