Journey in Life: funny
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Sunday, May 26, 2019

Tìm đường giúp lớp

- anh Thành này..., anh có yêu lớp không?
- tôi có
- anh có thể giữ bí mật không?
- có chứ
- tôi muốn chuyển lớp, chuyển qua lớp chuyên Toán. xem chúng nó học giỏi toán như thế nào để về giúp lớp chúng ta
- nhưng anh ơi, não đâu mà đi?

Friday, May 10, 2019

Đa dạng hóa sản phẩm?

bán bao cao su, bán cả búp bê nhựa,

bán thuốc lá điếu, bán cả bảo hiểm nhân thọ,
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Philip Morris International, the tobacco company that sells Marlboro cigarettes, is getting into the life insurance business.

Called Reviti, the wholly owned subsidiary will initially sell life insurance in the U.K. with plans to expand into more markets overseas. Smokers will receive discounts if they stop, quit or switch to a possibly less carcinogenic product, like Philip Morris’ vaping devices.

On average, people who switch to e-cigarettes will receive a 2.5% discount on premiums, people who switch to Philip Morris’ heated tobacco product iQOS for three months will receive a 25% discount, and people who quit smoking for at least a year will receive a 50% discount, the company said. Premiums for a 20-year-old nonsmoker run about £5 ($6.47) per month for a life insurance policy that pays £150,000 ($194,125). The same premium would buy a £60,000 ($77,650) policy for a 40-year-old nonsmoker.

Bình luận Tội thiếu trách nhiệm gây hậu quả nghiêm trọng

Úc in 46 triệu tờ 50 aud bị sai lỗi chính tả,

nực cười, lỗi tắc trách, mà lại sai từ 'trách nhiệm' :)
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The Reserve Bank of Australia (RBA) printed about 46 million new $50 bills last year, but only recently a radio station noticed a typo on the money, The Guardian reports. The word "responsibility" is incorrectly spelled on about $1.6 billion worth of currency. That doesn't sound very responsible.

The RBA announced the new $50 note design in February 2018. The new note honors Aboriginal writer and inventor David Unaipon and the first female member of an Australia's parliament, Edith Cowan. Printed on the back of the note is an excerpt from a speech by Cowan, and one from a book by Unaipon...

Baa, Baa, Black Sheep...have you completed your homework?

đếm cừu, không phải để ngủ, mà là đếm số học sinh :)

một nông dân nghĩ ra sáng kiến này, bổ sung cho lớp thứ 11 của trường, vì nếu không, cả trường chỉ còn 10 lớp, và số học sinh mỗi lớp lại tăng lên quá 24 em/lớp, điều các phụ huynh không muốn (và chính sách của tổng thống pháp macron cũng là vậy)
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A farmer in France has taken a unique idea to boost student numbers at a primary school, enrolling 15 sheep to save classes that were at risk of being cancelled.

The school in Crêts en Belledonne, a village in the Alps, was told that one of its 11 classes would be closed after numbers fell from 266 to 261.

A group of parents were against the proposal to scale back the number of classes to 10, as it would mean the average number of students in each class would rise from 24 to 26.

...The mayor of the town, Jean-Louis Maret, supported the parent's efforts in recognizing the sheep as students and hit at the government's “annoying threshold logic” that prompted the threat of closure.

Lý do con của Harry và Meghan không phải là hoàng tử

là cháu của nữ hoàng, mà còn bị phát thanh viên gọi là... khỉ :D
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BBC broadcaster (phát thanh viên) Danny Baker has been fired (bị sa thải) over what he called a "stupid (ngu ngốc) unthinking (không suy nghĩ) gag (lời nói đùa chơi, giỡn chơi) pic," BBC News reported Thursday. Baker tweeted an image of a chimpanzee (tinh tinh) with a caption (thuyết minh, chú thích) reading, "Royal Baby leaves hospital."

Many Twitter users criticized (chỉ trích) Baker and the black and white image, which shows a woman holding the chimp's hand. It was seen as racist (phân biệt chủng tộc) and has since been deleted.

A BBC spokesperson called it "a serious error of judgement." The BBC said the tweet "goes against the values we as a station aim to embody" and said that while Baker is a "brilliant broadcaster," he will no longer work for the network...

Thursday, May 9, 2019

Nuôi con vẹt này đáng đồng tiền bát gạo

'mẹ ơi, cảnh sát tới',

con vẹt đã kêu để báo cho chủ (2 vợ chồng bán ma túy)
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A parrot (vẹt) who warned two alleged drug dealers in Brazil that police were coming was taken into custody after it almost foiled (đánh bại, đẩy lui, chặn đứng, làm thất bại) an undercover (chìm) drug raid (cuộc đột kích), authorities said.

When the green-and-white bird spotted officers Tuesday at its owners' Teresina home, the parrot squawked "Mama, Police!" in Portuguese.

Despite the bird's efforts to tip off the owners, a man and woman were arrested. Drugs, including crack and marijuana, were also found at the property as well as large amounts of money.

The parrot, who police did not name, has reportedly continued to show its loyalty to its owners and is refusing to sing like a canary (chim hoàng yến; (lóng) kẻ chỉ điểm).

Saturday, May 4, 2019

Liêm khiết

Một nhà thầu muốn hối lộ ông bộ trưởng, ngỏ ý biếu ông ta chiếc ôtô, nhưng bị từ chối:
- Tôn chỉ của tôi là liêm khiết, ông hãy đem món quà về đi!

Nhà thầu nói:
- Tôi hiểu cảm nghĩ của ông về việc này. Thay vì biếu, tôi bán nó cho ngài với giá 25 USD vậy!

Ngài bộ trưởng suy nghĩ trong giây lát, rồi gật đầu:
- Trong trường hợp đó, tôi sẽ mua hai chiếc.

Tuesday, April 30, 2019

Ai mà biết được

chịu, daimler nói ko thể biết kim jong-un có 2 chiếc maybach bằng cách nào
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The North Korean leader's ability to procure (kiếm, mua được; tìm (đàn bà, con gái) để cho làm đĩ; dắt gái, làm ma-cô) million-dollar luxury cars is a good example of how porous (rỗ, thủng tổ ong) international sanctions (biện pháp trừng phạt, chế tài) can be.

...Kim has raised eyebrows by using Daimler-branded stretch limousines at several very high-profile summits (hội nghị thượng đỉnh), including his meeting this week with Russian President Vladimir Putin and both of his earlier summits with President Donald Trump.

The sale of luxury goods, including limousines, is banned under U.N. sanctions intended to put pressure (gây sức ép) on North Korea to abandon (từ bỏ) its nuclear weapons (vũ khí hạt nhân).

..."We have absolutely no idea how those vehicles were delivered to North Korea," Daimler spokeswoman Silke Mockert said. "For Daimler, the correct export of products in conformance with the law is a fundamental principle of responsible entrepreneurial activity."


Tuesday, March 19, 2019

Cách đối phó với đồng nghiệp tồi

đùn việc à, cho mấy xiên luôn
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Luis Arias, 43, who works for a cleaning company (công ty vệ sinh) for the Palm Beach Outlets mall (siêu thị, trung tâm mua sắm), was upset  (bực bội) with a colleague (đồng nghiệp) who did not complete his duties (không làm phần việc của mình, leaving them for Arias.

Investigators (điều tra viên) said Arias retrieved a machete (dao rựa, dao phát) from his locker and stabbed the other employee several times with it around 7:45 p.m.

The victim was treated and released Sunday morning from a hospital.

Arias was arrested and charged with aggravated battery (hành hung, bạo hành, đánh đập) with a deadly weapon (vũ khí chết người), according to jail records. He is being held on $50,000 bond.

Mèo ú "bất hủ" ở Istanbul

được tạc tượng...
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It seems only right that on a day like October 4th—World Animal Day—the people of Istanbul unveil a new bronze statue (tượng đồng) of their beloved (được yêu quý) local cat celebrity who has become a global star (ngôi sao toàn cầu). His name was Tombili and he became an Internet sensation quickly after photos of him looking effortlessly (một cách dễ dàng, không tốn sức lực) laid-back were shared on the viral site 9GAG. Only missing a top hat, Tombili was the kind of dapper street cat that epitomizes (là hình ảnh thu nhỏ của, là mẫu điển hình của) being cool.

Although Tombili didn’t seem to have a dedicated (chuyên dụng, được thiết kế cho một ý đồ riêng biệt duy nhất) home, his portly (bệ vệ, béo tốt, đẫy đà) build suggests that his neighborhood took good care of him. He practically became their town mascot (vật lấy phước), reminding passersby (người qua đường) to take it easy and find time to relax. Unfortunately, the fluffy (mịn như lông tơ, phủ lông tơ) feline (thành viên họ nhà mèo) fell ill recently and passed away on August 1 of this year. Heartbroken, his local fans knew they had to do something to keep his memory alive...

Friday, February 1, 2019

Điều khiến hành khách kinh hãi khi đi tàu

bị thằng say rượu vứt đàn của mình qua cửa sổ -> nát luôn :)
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It’s every musician’s worst nightmare (ác mộng) to have their instruments (dụng cụ, công cụ, nhạc cụ) damaged while travelling – but these poor passengers had to watch theirs get destroyed (phá hủy).

...Usually a scenic (cảnh vật) and enjoyable journey (chuyến đi, hành trình), the trip (chuyến đi) suddenly took a turn for the worse (chuyển hướng xấu hơn) when a drunk (say rượu) man pulled out a knife and began throwing people’s luggage onto the track. As well as launching another passenger’s bicycle off the train, the 36-year-old perpetrator also destroyed two cellos (đàn vi-ô-lông-xen) and a viola (đại hồ cầm, đàn vi-ôn cổ). Despite security being alerted, the string instruments could not be recovered. It comes as no surprise, given that the German train was travelling at an average speed of 70-90 km/h.

Thursday, December 27, 2018

Ăn bánh không trả tiền

cảnh sát hạt polk vẫn đang truy tìm kẻ trộm nhét bánh sandwich dài 30cm vào quần hồi tháng trước
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That's right: A foot-long sub, in his pants.

...He then purchased a drink and left without paying for the sandwich. He fled (lẩn trốn, bỏ trốn) on a bicycle.

Tuesday, December 25, 2018

Doanh nghiệp “khốn khổ” vì bị chính quyền “làm khó”?

-> chủ doanh nghiệp dựng tượng "ngón tay thối" trước cổng ubnd :D
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According to the news station, Pelkey has been in a long-running dispute with the town over red tape that’s preventing him from developing on his property. The man wants to move his recycling business and a truck repair shop from another town to his property to cut down on expenses. Pelkey claims city staff have a personal grudge against him and are creating red tape.

“In my eyes, if somebody tells you they hate you right up front, it’s a hate crime,” Pelkey said to WCAX-TV.

“It’s intended for the people who run the town of Westford,”

Bài trước: Tay ải, tay ai

Không cần cầu thủ chuyền bóng

giải khúc côn cầu trên băng, bóng bật từ... háng trọng tài vào lưới (nhưng bàn thắng không được tính :)
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Tim Peel (referee) was sent to the locker room (phòng thay đồ) briefly (trong một thời gian ngắn) during the St. Louis Blues' 4-3 win over the visiting Florida Panthers after taking a puck (bóng khúc côn cầu trên băng) directly off his midsection (phần giữa), sending him crumbling (sụp đổ, tan ra mây khói) to the ice.

It did not affect the outcome of the game (không ảnh hưởng tới kết quả trận đấu), but the would-be goal (bàn thắng) was disallowed (không được tính) because NHL rules prohibit (cấm) goals from being scored (ghi bàn) if the puck deflected (chệch hướng) off an official and directly into the net. And judging by Peel's pained reaction, the puck certainly struck the 52-year-old veteran official.

The incident (vụ việc, vụ tai nạn) occurred (xảy ra) at the 5:37 mark of the first period (hiệp một). From outside the blue line, Blues defenseman  (cầu thủ phòng ngự) Robert Bartuzzo fired in a pass (đường chuyền) that was intended (dự định) to go around the net, but instead slammed (đâm sầm vào) into Peel, who was in the corner. The puck bounced (nảy) toward the goal and slipped (trượt qua) in past Panthers netminder (thủ môn) Roberto Luongo's skate (pa-tanh, giầy trượt băng, lưỡi trượt).

Giáng sinh độc đáo

bà mẹ đơn thân 23 tuổi làm cây thông noel từ găng tay y tế :), ảnh đây,
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Support worker Maxine Oliver, 23, said she faced a tough November with few shifts (ca kíp làm), and feared she may have to cancel Christmas altogether. But the mom-of-one came up with an ingenious (khéo léo, tài tình, mưu trí) way of keeping costs down and bringing festive (thuộc về/liên quan đến lễ hội, ngày hội) joy (sự vui mừng, niềm hân hoan) to her family — with a handmade tree costing just 2 pounds, or around $2.50.

Oliver started on it when her son Charlie went to bed at 7.30 p.m. and worked right through until 5 a.m. It was made out of Oliver’s own medical gloves, along with ornaments (đồ trang trí) made from cupcake cups found at the back of the cupboard, handmade Christmas presents decorated (trang trí, trang hoàng) with candy wrappers (giấy gói kẹo), and hanging decorations made from paper and tin foil (giấy thiếc bọc thức ăn).

Bài trước: Giáng sinh buồn

Giáng sinh buồn

2 ni cô bị buộc tội vì biển thủ 500.000 usd tiền của trường dòng
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The figure represents only what auditors (kiểm toán viên) have been able to trace in six years’ of bank records (hồ sơ ngân hàng) and might not include other cash transactions (giao dịch tiền mặt).

The apparent scandal came to light last week when the church’s small, K-8 school announced that it had notified police that Sister Mary Margaret Kreuper, and Sister Lana Chang, who both had retired earlier this year, were “involved in the personal use of a substantial amount of school funds.” But the nuns had expressed (bày tỏ) remorse (ăn năn, hối hận), and the archdiocese (tổng giám mục) and the church were not pursuing criminal charges (tội hình sự).

Kreuper was the school’s principal (hiệu trưởng), and Chang taught there.

Michael Meyers, the church’s monsignor (đức cha, giáo sĩ cao cấp trong giáo hội công giáo la mã), told the crowd of a few hundred people that the archdiocese launched an internal investigation (điều tra nội bộ) six months ago after the organization performed a standard audit of procedures ahead of Kreuper’s retirement after 28 years at the school.

Monday, December 24, 2018

Lý do bạn không nên nuôi vẹt

"vô tình" đặt hàng liên tục ở amazon bằng cách ra lệnh cho alexa,

-> có thật là "vô tình" không ta :)
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"Accidentally."

So far, the African Grey has 'bought' a range of fruit and veg – including water melons (dưa hấu), raisins (nho khô) and broccoli (súp lơ xanh) – ice cream, a light bulb and even a kite (cái diều).

Rocco was rehomed from the National Animal Welfare Trust sanctuary (khu bảo tồn động vật hoang dã) in Berkshire because staff feared his use of swear words (chửi thề) would upset (làm khó chịu) visitors.

Sanctuary worker Marion Wischnewski volunteered to foster him and took him to her home in Blewbury, Oxfordshire.

But he has since been using her Amazon Echo to order all the things he likes to eat.

Sunday, December 23, 2018

Mùa đông của anh

ở trong tù và xem phim 'bambi' vì giết hàng trăm con hươu trong 3 năm qua...
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A Missouri poacher (người săn trộm/câu trộm; người xâm phạm (quyền lợi của người khác)) involved in the illegal killing of “several hundred deer” over three years, taking their heads and leaving their bodies to rot (mục nát, thối rữa), must watch the Disney classic “Bambi” once a month while he remains behind bars (sau song sắt), a judge reportedly ruled.

David Berry Jr. was one of three men from a southwest Missouri family convicted in what the state’s Conservation Department called one of its “largest conservation cases involving the illegal taking of deer.”

After pleading guilty, Berry Jr. was sentenced to one year in jail in Lawrence County on Dec. 6. The 29-year-old was also sentenced to 120 days in jail in a nearby county for a felony (trọng tội (giết người, cưỡng bức)) firearms probation (tù treo, án treo) violation.

Saturday, December 22, 2018

Trí tuệ nhân tạo AI là gì? Ứng dụng như thế nào trong cuộc sống?

phát hiện "hách từ trong nôi" và nhắc chủ nhân thay áo :D
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Sticky public transport and sweltering offices leave many worrying they have body odour.

But new AI technology may mean people no longer have to 'subtly' sniff their armpits to check for foul odours.

Cambridge-based manufacturer Arm - which develops the hardware in smartphones - is creating a smart chip that can 'smell'.

The 'e-nose' identifies the dozens of gassy chemicals behind human stench before ranking the scent from one to five - so people know whether it is time to reapply their deodorant...